Budapest Bluster

Beat ya to it!

2005-09-20T05:43:00.000-07:00

Two South American golden lion tamarin monkeys have been born in Szeged Zoo. The zoo in question now has a staggering seven monkeys. Well, we assume they're staggering.

Why is this important?

1) Monkeys are cool.
2) We beat The Budapest Sun to the news (the English language newspaper that never fails to tell its readers about Hungary's monkeys, bears, sheep, big cats and three-legged goats).

Too cool for words pic

Too small and stupid-looking for words pic

Most odd

2005-09-20T05:38:00.000-07:00

30 people visited Budapest Bluster last week after searching Google for the words Wiggedy Whack.

0 people visited Budapest Bluster last week after searching Google for the words Lazy Expats With Too Much Time On Their Hands.

Whacky Bluster

Strange world we live in.

You got credit

2005-09-13T08:12:00.000-07:00

Erste Bank Hungary has issued its first "classic credit card."

The bank told Hungarians just dying to get into debt that it plans to circulate 20,000-25,000 cards by the end of 2005.

What's the deal? A mere HUF 2,990 annual fee and an annual percentage rate of 41.75% on payments made 45 days after purchase.

41.75%.... Bugger!

Empty

Move along, move along

2005-09-09T06:11:00.000-07:00

Hungary's Ambassador to the US, Andras Simonyi, says he's going to give a concert and dedicate the revenues to help victims of Hurricane Katrina.

He will be supported by the "Coalition of the Willing" Band, which includes former assistant state secretary Lincoln Bloomfield and Jeff "Skunk" Baxter, guitarist of the Steely Dan and then Doobie Brothers band, who currently advises the White House on counterterrorism. (!)

In other words a wanky concert that will raise heaps of money - I guess they can add that to the US Congress-approved $51.8bn emergency funding.
Or add it to the $500 million now collected from private charities.

Gentrification here we come!

Lazy cops: Tell us more - we'll do less

2005-09-08T00:55:00.000-07:00

The Neppy reports today that the police have struck a deal with the Hungarian Banking Federation and will now have access to "essential" bank data in the event of bank robberies.

"Eh?", you say. Simply put, the coppers say investigations are hampered because there is a muggy set of rules determining what banks tell the police.

Funny, as you'd assume the banks would do all they can to get back their, sorry "our", money.

The Neppy also reports that from now on the police will only zoom to banks in mid-robbery if two independently functioning alarms are triggered, or, if one alarm goes off and a security guard confirms a robbery is indeed taking place.

Basically, if clever robbers slip the alarms and disable the fat, balding security guard when you're trying to make a deposit, don't bother using your mobile to call the cops... you're totally fucked.

What to look out for

Bang Bang, my Bobby shot me down...

2005-09-07T01:39:00.000-07:00

It must be cool to be a copper. Nice uniforms, spit-and-polished shoes and the right to carry handcuffs.

Sadly, it also brings the right to shot people for stealing handbags. Earlier this week two men in Budapest tried to steal a hangbag from a man changing a car tyre. The DIY mechanic was having none of it however, and pulled out a "gas pistol".

What happened next is the stuff of a 1980s TV cop drama. The two would-be handbag-nappers fled, jumped into a waiting car (with, the cops say, US plates), zoomed off and tried to run over a policeman in pursuit. Abandoning their car, the criminals tried to make off on foot but one of them was shot by yet more police on the scene.

The man shot suffered serious injuries and another was "lightly injured" when being arrested. A third man, possibly the getaway driver, escaped.

This event throws up many questions, but we feel the need to ask only one.

What the hell was a man doing with a hangbag?

Nice

Boo! Hiss! Bunch of Wankers! etc

2005-09-06T04:59:00.000-07:00

Sometime you just can't catch a break. Sometimes even the cultured (in every sense) kick you in the jimmy.

Take Culture Minister Andras Bozoki and Opera general director Jutocsa Arpad Hegyi. The two merrily turned up at the opening session of the State Opera company on Friday only to find the gathered crowds boo and whistle at them.

Shocking and disgusting behaviour! (wicked chuckle)

It's funny what a plan of austerity measures can do to an assembled crowd of rabid opera fans.

In contrast Miklos Szinetar, the former Opera director, was the recipient of "much love". Having resigned over nasty cut backs he arrived to a hero's welcome - cheered and slapped on the back by singers and staff alike. Hurrah!

Special needs

2005-09-05T10:52:00.000-07:00

Not only are we all slow to return to BP following our summer breaks, but to add to our laziness the last four Bluster updates got lost in Blogger's deepest depths, never to make their way to the site.

This one, we hope will get through...

Viktoria Mohacsi, an MEP of junior governing party SZDSZ, says a legal remedy must be offered to "normal" children who were unreasonably put into learning disability classes.

Mohacsi says that "by the age of 16 these children have built up such a disadvantage compared to those who attended regular schools that their fate is practically sealed and they will end up being unemployed."

Really? We'd never have guessed it.

A slow return

2005-09-05T06:22:00.000-07:00

Slowly everyone returns and so back to the blogging.

A quick note to those on the email list - enough already :-) Please quit with the Gyurcsany jokes from last week.

Also, members please remember that the email list is for the serious ranting and backbiting, the blog for the dumbass news etc.
This way we don't get nasty threats but still get to have a good snigger.

August is here!

2005-07-26T04:58:00.000-07:00

Well, nearly... and so while the weather is hot and Blogger is proving to be quite spastic and not letting any of us sign in...

we will post very little until September. (what can we say, some of us are in Italy for a few weeks, one lucky sod is in Australia and the rest are buggering about at the Balaton).

Those who prefer the nastier stuff, fear not... the old email listing will keep running (the joys of B'Berry).

So, we're off for a little of this....

Holiday fun

... and, of course, will end up like this...

Ouch!

Spanked from all angles

2005-07-18T09:08:00.000-07:00

Cuffed and staggering backwards... not only has Blogger proved impossible for any of us to access for the last few days, we see today that
Varangy has again lumped us in its listing of bad egg blogs.

And we quote, "Possibly worst blog in Budapest ex-pat blogosphere. No joke."

Not that we care much of course - but we do like Varangy as the above-linked blog takes itself very seriously indeed - and we respect that as we couldn't give a flying hoot about our own.

So, just for V...

Smile

Free beer to drink in your car

2005-07-14T02:15:00.000-07:00

In a move that just stinks of Hungarian logic, drivers on roads in northern Hungary will be given cans of beer by the police if their cars and paperwork are all in order, according to MTI. The beer is non-alcoholic, but still, what a great message - "Drink beer and drive at the same time".

Duh!

Bar + Transport = whoops!

More Chinese news

2005-07-12T07:02:00.000-07:00

Xinhuanet reports that Chinese Defense Minister Gangchuan Cao held talks with Ferenc Juhasz, his Hungarian mirror (as it were) earlier today and that they spoke on the subject of "increased cooperation between the two countries and their armed forces".

Cao went on to brief Juhasz on China's "domestic situation, national defense policy, army building" and the government's "principled position on the Taiwan issue".

Eh? Quite why Hungary needs to be briefed on the "Taiwan issue" is anyone's guess. Perhaps Hungarian soliders would like to somehow get involved in all the fun... or... perhaps not.

Though that said... Hungary's camo'd girls and guys are known to be the
Best of the Best
(cough cough)

We woz poor and needed more wonga

2005-07-12T02:30:00.000-07:00

Remember when you bought your first PC and thought "Hey, wouldn't it be great to print loads of money!".... well, two Hungarians from Eger recently had the same thought and used their PC, scanner and printer to make dodgy HUF 5,000 and 10,000 notes.

Having had success in passing them off in a local nightclub, the two got peckish and tried to use some of their "cash" to buy nibbles in an all-night supermarket. The shop assistant was keen-of-eye and called the coppers. Amazingly, the police arrived before the two had left the shop and dragged them off to another local establishment.

Here's a picture of one of them (or it could be a picture of Harry Enfield we've used instead)

I is rich!

Gold in them there... errr, trucks

2005-07-11T06:34:00.000-07:00

As you are no doubt aware, Hungary's customs officers are a busy bunch. Week in, week out they work hard to destroy our chances of getting cheap smokes, fake Nike trainers and Rolex watches made in a factory hidden in deepest Shangdong.

Well, this time the border tripping chaps have outdone themselves, seizing 20 kilograms of gold jewelry worth HUF 47 million. Enough to make 50 cent gulp.

Discoverd in a truck at Roszke, Southern Hungary, the big pile of GOLD included... medals!

Here's a picture, allegedly, of one of the two men nabbed....

Blinging

A big "sorry"...

2005-07-08T05:54:00.000-07:00

... to the legions of readers who foolishly came here today... we're totally Blustered-out.

We blame it on the funny weather and the fact we're all heading down to Rio for beers in the next hour or so.

Oh, and no, not this Rio

No shopping tonight.

2005-07-07T07:08:00.000-07:00

Not much point writing all the details as Pestiside has already done so.

So, our thoughts are with friends in London and, hey, a big round of applause to those responsible for messing up everyone's shopping in the malls today.

Blog branding?

2005-07-07T01:22:00.000-07:00

Fast and Fearless?

Changing brand identity through blogging - official blogging as it were...

"This raises a potential danger: gradually the control over brand messages is being drawn away from brand builders and being redirected by consumers. So should brands begin investing in posting their own frequent blogs on the net, representing their points of view and personalities? Could you imagine Disney blogging its fans about its characters, Nokia about its latest products or Microsoft about its virus issues? Yes, I'll bet you can. The action would probably help brands get closer to their consumers by reaching right into those core communities of fans. But exploiting this avenue takes commitment. "

Anyone have any thoughts on this? An "official" post into a core community of fans - good or bad? Negates the purpose of a blog?

"Tomorrow's brands will need to be able to transgress current inhibitions."

Doesn't doing this move you away from the brand itself? Should the power of an "official blog" be in its ability to rebrand, or, if you like, restructure the official element itself?

Power to the [marketing] people... (gulp)

Down on a good thing

2005-07-06T04:49:00.000-07:00

AmCham says small business should be kicked in the jimmy (well, kind of).

Shocking as it will seem, they are calling on the Government to pan the EVA tax system.

Eva who?

Well, it's a simplified business tax that, by and large, means small business owners pay around 20% tax rather than getting stung like those of us who didn't have the balls, initiative or general good sense to say, "Sod bosses, I'll be my own and get up as late as I like each and every morning."

AmCham believes EVA causes “significant reduction in budget revenues and thus hinders general tax cuts.”

There's always one who wants to spoil the party.

In an ideal world, of course, the tax system would involve an altogether different kind of Eva....

Let me run over your figures

More dressed-up crime

2005-07-06T02:55:00.000-07:00

Hungarian criminals really do like to put some effort into their illegal pursuits. We have been told another story of bad, bad people dressing up as coppers in order to wreck the laws they appear to be representing.

This time, two copper-look-a-likes tied up a man in an underground garage in wealthy Buda and then made his cash-filled briefcase a little lighter.
As with last week's story, they stopped a man and asked to check his ID... and then put the heavy on his fooled-by-the-threads arse.

Are these criminals' costumes convincing? How the Hell should we know... but, just imagine... you are walking home one night and are stopped by a copper like the one "linked" below... what would you do?!

Excuse me Sir, Can I see your ID?

Giving them Hell...

2005-07-04T08:31:00.000-07:00

Suffering from trips to bars and restaurants with bad service? Been insulted by rude people on the street? Want to give a little back?

Swearing in Hungarian

Update: What can we say? Vandorlo is a life-saver... at least one of our retarded group of posters can now link. Many thanks :-D

Caught!

2005-07-01T08:08:00.000-07:00

The swift of foot criminal who outfoxed the cops guarding him by escaping from a toilet window has, sadly, been caught.

Discovered under a bed in a holiday resort near Nyiregyhaza, he had been been hiding for a day or so - apparently under the bed the whole time. Well, it's the last place anyone would look.

Keeping good relations

2005-07-01T00:47:00.000-07:00

As we all know, PM Gyurcsany is keen to keep good relations with China - they are, after all, big investors and the source of the umbrella.

Well, other Hungarians are keen to do their bit too. Yesterday, Italian coppers slapped the cuffs on a Chinese and Hungarian pair who were driving a truck full to the brim with fake designer clobber. Worryingly, there is also a Chav link.

The truck was groaning under the weight of 13,000 leather goods, labelled "Burberry, London".

DONT FEED THE CHAVS, for Gods's sake.

How much was it all worth? Well, the press reckon about EUR 2.5 million if sold legally. The Bluster Crew estimates around $100 if sold in one of Budapest's dodgy Chinese markets (you know, the ones that Hungarian tabloids tell us sell dog meat).

All dressed up

2005-06-29T06:41:00.000-07:00

Costume party crime hit Tiszanagyfalu today when two men dressed as coppers stopped a car, pretended to "check" said car, convinced the driver he should give up said car's keys... and then zoomed off in his automobile, never to return.

Police say they are looking for the car.

Ahuh.

Go-Go-Gadget Legs...

2005-06-27T10:20:00.000-07:00

Always use whatever window of opportunity opens... so says a petty thief who was being held by coppers in Nyiregyhaza.

Taken to the city's hospital after complaining that one of his legs hurt, when they arrived (crook and cops, not just the legs) said criminal asked to use the gents. While a police officer guarded the toilet door, the thief jumped out of the window and then used his alleged dodgy pins to run, Forest, run!

It is not certain if the criminal genuinely needed to take a leak.

I'm Bad!

2005-06-24T07:33:00.000-07:00

Hungary's boys in blue are now presenting their investigation documents from the Kulcsar brokergate scandal.

For those of you who are thinking, "eh?"... Attila Kulcsar, former broker at K and H Equities, is suspected of being a cheeky chap who embezzled and money-laundered. Accused and grabbed by the coppers, he refused to go down quietly and has named and shamed numerous politicians, all - he says - in on the dirty.

Well, the cops' presentation could take as long as 1.5 months to give and involves some 55,000 pages.

1.5 months!!!

Who is this Kulcsar chap... Michael Jackson?!?!

God help you all!

2005-06-22T07:18:00.000-07:00

Vodafone Hungary says it has introduced ringback tones, a service allowing callers to hear not "ring ring", but music and sound clips chosen by the subscriber!

Sheer genius... if used properly.

So, in the not too distant future, those who know us and call Bluster members will, as we take an interminable time to pick up, be able to enjoy the sounds of Celine Dion's "All By Myself", Whitney Houston's "Jesus Loves Me" and Michael Jackson's "Ben".

Really huge bears arrive

2005-06-22T06:42:00.000-07:00

Last week we told you about two bears being saved from a skanky zoo in Cyprus and parked in Hungary... well, the big brown beasties are here!

And what's more, we have been told The Budapest Sun has a pic of one of them on its front cover. Now, as far as we're concerned the only animals cooler than huge, eat-your-face-off bears, are racoons...

(For your viewing pleasure:
http://www.mainstreetgallery.net/artists/tk_cassara/TKC120305%20Racoon%206x9.5x4.jpg)

... but seeing as racoons aren't being flown to Hungary (as far as we know), we'd like to urge each and every one of you to journey down to Veresegyhaz and stand in awe as bears the size of elephants stroll about scaring the crap out of little kids!

Bendy sport: Results

2005-06-21T06:09:00.000-07:00

MTI gives results of the Men's water polo "Unicum Cup" played today in Budapest.

Hungary spanked China 12 - 2; Russia bombed Canada 11 - 1.

Water polo is a very odd sport, have you noticed? Lots of muscle-bound men in tighter-than-tight Speedo trunks, treading water for eternity and grabbing each other by the danglies. Floating-type goals and funny little rubber-looking helmets. What makes a person want to play this game, one wonders.

Bob: Fancy playing in the pool?
Dylan: What do you mean by "playing"?
Bob: Well, we put on some speedos and rubber hats and grab each other by the genitals.
Dylan: Oh, okay.

Yup, sounds good to us too! Grab your towels and we'll see on Margit Island.

Greedy chap with no heart

2005-06-21T00:31:00.000-07:00

Last week a man shot his girlfriend in the street and then turned the gun on himself.

"Another day another shooting," said a member of Bluster.

But wait... the story, it seems, is also one of "greed". A man, who happened to have a camcorder on his person, taped the whole thing and has tried to sell the footage to his local TV station.

Did they buy it? No.

Where is he now? On his way to prison.

The cops heard about the tape and then nabbed the guy for having witnessed the incident and then failing to call either the police or the ambulance service. While everyone was bleeding to death in the street he was thinking, "Great footage, now where's that telephone directory."

Moral of this story: Money makes a man greedy.

Who, me?

2005-06-21T00:25:00.000-07:00

Who would have suspected Zuglo's latest bank robbery? Certainly not the friendly staff who merrily chatted away to their security guard for the last few months - unaware he was a "criminal in waiting".

Months in the plotting, his crime was more than a little bold. After winning everyone's trust he (this morning) waited for the latest batch of money to be delivered to the cash machine and then handcuffed all the staff, waved a gun around and then made off with the loot.

It is believed he may have been working under false ID.

Shocker!

Blame it on the boogie...

2005-06-20T07:53:00.000-07:00

According to the Neppy on Saturday, a court has demanded the owner of a groove palace (disco) in Nagyhalasz to pay HUF 150,000 in compensation for saying "No!" when four Roma wished to enter the establishment and cut a rug.

Very strange indeed, as we all know the Roma in Hungary are only tolerated when thought of as musicians, good dancers and MegaSztar winners. Anything else just wouldn't be right, would it?

Lets hope the four Roma in question use the money to buy a very loud sound system... that they set it up outside the disco... that they invite all their friends to watch and then dance like they've never danced before... right in front of the nasty disco owner who is clearly a racist with two envious left feet.

Meat Market!

2005-06-20T06:44:00.000-07:00

Andras Pasztoy, state secretary at the Hungarian Ministry of Agriculture, says "a more intensive market protection is necessary" in the meat industry.

"We will try to help the protection of the market with food safety measures, the frequency of food hygiene checks and with enhanced and focused checks on imported goods."

Hurrah! Lets hope they take the same stance will all food types... these days a man can't risk eating headcheese, paprika, salami and assorted spices for fear of woofing-up all over the floor or finding the whole world coming out of his bottom.

Damn and blast those banned products we found out about too late.

In the name of the Father

2005-06-20T06:32:00.000-07:00

According to BosNewsLife.com, an Internet news agency covering stories on Christians and Jews living in difficult circumstances, "Hungarian Christians from all denominations have launched Hungary's first National Revival Prayer Movement and pray for 'repentance of the government' to transform the ex-Communist nation for Christ."

Shudder.

Queen plays with bishop

2005-06-17T03:01:00.000-07:00

Chess Grandmaster Krishnan Sasikiran was held to a draw by Hungary's Ferenc Berkes in the fourth round of the Marx Gyorgy Grandmaster chess tournament in Paks yesterday!

"Boring", you moan.

Oh, how wrong you are.

Berkes rooked like a man possessed, his pawns skipping, knights dancing and Queen cutting a deadly path across the board! One woman passed out from the ripping play and four young children broke down in tears.

One member of the 14.7million seated audience, which didn't actually exist, told Bluster, "It was so exciting I almost wet my pants when Feri moved his bishop to b4. I mean, it was like, wicked."

So what the Hell are you waiting for? Sporting excitement is just a short drive away... why wait for the upcoming F1... chess rocks (ahem).

Kids? The party thinks Not.

2005-06-16T03:04:00.000-07:00

PM Gyurcsany hailed Sino-Hungarian relations yesterday and expressed the hope that the two countries would maintain the good momentum for development of bilateral political and economic ties, reports Xinhuanet.

Gyurcsany, meeting Liu Qi, a member of the Political Bureau of Central Committee of the Communist Party of China (CPC), apparently "reiterated
Hungary's adherence to the one-China policy", the news agency tells us.

So, be warned Hungarian family-lovers. More than one pregnancy may result in your being ostracized by society at large, having benefits cut, pressured into abortion, forced into the fields and being given a firm whipping… not that that happens in China these days you understand.

Big bears coming... and a tiger... maybe.

2005-06-14T04:48:00.000-07:00

Two "big" bears at the Limassol zoo in Cyprus will Friday fly to their new home, a wildlife park in Hungary, according to the Cyprus Mail.

The paper says that "having spent years in cramped conditions at the Limassol zoo, the bears will be given a chance to re-adapt to wildlife and eventually be released in the park."

The bears, which are around 20 years old, will be situated in a forested area near Budapest - also the habitat of some 30 other bears.

The paper adds that "other animals at the zoo, accommodated in spaces that do not meet EU directives, will also soon be moving, as the state has already promised it will be phasing out the dated zoo. They include a couple of leopards and a tiger."

Whether a couple of leopards and a tiger are also coming to a Hungarian park near you, is not clear.

But lets hope so. Picnics can be quite dull affairs and seeing a fellow sandwich-nibbler ripped to shreds as you peel your orange is, well, entertainment.

No, not boobies

2005-06-13T05:48:00.000-07:00

Budapest might dedicate a bust to the memory of US president Ronald Reagan!

Why?

Well, back in the day (1983 to be exact) a letter from Reagan saved Budapest Mayor Gabor Demszky (he says) from being imprisoned because of his opposition to Janos Kadar's nasty communist regime. The President apparently asked Hungary to pass a just and lawful verdict. Well, what could they do but agree.

Any other reason for the bust?

Nope. None offered.

Here at Bluster we say if we're going to have one of Ron, let us have one of his partner in crime - mad Maggie of handbag fame. But why stop there? Socialist revolutionary Fidel Castro is pretty cool (he's dead old and still gives 752-hour speeches). They could stick all three together.

Beautiful.

Tight-fisted w@nkers!

2005-06-08T02:06:00.000-07:00

The Daily Record "reports" the following:

"FAST-FOOD chain Burger King have come under fire for an ad poking fun at Scots. The poster campaign in Hungary tells punters their prices are so good even Scots eat there. It is based on a Hungarian joke about a Scot who invites his pal out to dinner then tries to get him to pay the bill."

What a great joke! I mean, it's just side-splitting.

Will there be a backlash? Will Scots in BP take to the streets in protest? Will they journey to Burger Kings and piss on the doors, do jobbies on the tables?

We can but hope.

Guilty bastards despite no evidence, your Honour.

2005-06-07T08:04:00.000-07:00

That's right, the bumbling National Bureau of Investigations tell us they have stamped their feet, looked madly vexed and accused three men of the Tesco hold-up/grenade-throwing/machine-gunning/BMW wheel-spinning robbery of a week or so ago.

While the suits were wagging their fingers they said they were going to also do them for arms smuggling. Police found no guns during a house search, but what the heck - lets hang'em!

Shocking

2005-06-07T06:41:00.000-07:00

A truck driver purchased "infected" headcheese (one of those food types with a name, no matter how ironic, that does it no favours) in Lehel ter market in the 13th District and then, the cheeky monkey, sold it as produce of Surjany Hus Kft. to CBA retail shops in Pest county villages, according to a story in the Neppy.

Urghhh.... I'll never touch the skank from a hog's head again!

Spastic

2005-06-07T06:23:00.000-07:00

Jesus Son of Mary, what is it with smugglers these days? Whether people, watches, trainers or drugs, every criminal is getting nabbed or, simply, buggering up their illegal operations.

Today, for example, a Hungarian zoomed off in his car to escape border guards (he was carrying Euro 14,000 worth of fags in the back)... and then crashed into a ditch.

I mean, honestly, how hard is it to drive straight!

Tax breaks... but not necessarily, fools!

2005-06-03T03:04:00.000-07:00

Finance Minister Janos Veres says that the highest VAT bracket of 25% is to be cut. Whoopee!

But, what interests us most is Veres talking of introducing a 21% uniform personal income tax.

About time too, as we're all getting royally screwed by Mr Tax Man...but he also talks about levying an extra 10-15% on annual gross income over Ft 3.5 million!

The hand that gives, and all that. For most expats the tax situation here in Hungary is chronic!

And so to sum it all up, we'll quote from Martin Chuzzlewit. Although not widely known, Pecksniff clearly lived in Hungary and was driven to drink by the awful tax system.

"Do not repine, my friends," said Mr Pecksniff, tenderly. ‘Do not weep for me. It is chronic." And with these words, after making a futile attempt to pull off his shoes, he fell into the fireplace.

Getting a mention

2005-06-03T00:21:00.000-07:00

Bluster has been given a mention on Pestiside this week. Honestly, we almost feel like we should link Pestiside on this site as a favour returned... but we can't as we haven't been able to figure out how the Hell you link "any" site. Which is why you can't see gems like www.landoverbaptist.org being given the hyperlink-credit they so rightly deserve.

And also, remember, we have beef with Pestiside.

We get our mention in this week's Sunscreener, Pestiside's tool for having a rant at The Budapest Sun and Eric's means of lavishing praise and sexual want towards its Style Editor, Eszter Balazs.

We like Sunscreener, as it is always fun to poke a little fun - but have to ask, when is Pestiside going to do the same for The Budapest Times and the Budapest Business Journal? The former is rich pickings and the latter, well....

So, if Pestiside's publisher is reading this, we'd like to suggest two names: "Time For a Change" and "The BJ Teaser Taster".

Lost for words

2005-06-02T07:54:00.000-07:00

A friend from a "telephone company" here in beautiful Bp sends us this: "I'm lost for words. I have to purchase this. An audio sensation."

What's he so excited about?

Well, an "Ilona Staller sings Morricone LP".

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&category=306&item=4732540295&rd=1&ssPageName=WDVW

Yes, Staller, better known to the rest of us as Hungarian porn Queen "Cicciolina", has dropped the dildo in favour of a microphone. A woman who is known for using her mouth in ways other than singing, we can't wait to have a listen.

Dope and wiggedy wiggedy whack!

2005-06-02T05:29:00.000-07:00

Three Hungarian weightlifters have been suspended from competition for two whole years. The meatheads will not be able to strain their over-worked and over-developed muscles as the International Weightlifting Federation looked at their appeal and decided, nope, you're as guilty as sin for doping at the 2004 Olympics.

One of the iron-lifting Hulks, Zoltan Kovacs, was expelled after failing to provide a post-competition urine sample.

A little unfair say we, as it is kinda hard to piss on demand. Especially when people are watching, and probing you, and calling you a cheat, and it's warm/cold/hot/freezing, and your bits are all shrivelled up from the worry, and the press are looking at your naked arse and taking notes, etc etc.

If you take anything away with you after reading "Dope and wiggedy wiggedy whack!", let it be this... pissing in the correct place (and for that matter, at the correct time) is not just a Friday and Saturday night problem.

Chance to level Keleti wasted

2005-06-02T01:56:00.000-07:00

It isn't often you come across World War 2 bombs, so when you do it's important to make the most of it.

Sadly, a great opportunity to blow something up was wasted yesterday. Bomb disposal "experts" defused a World War II bomb found during the construction of a metro station near Keleti railway.

The "experts" decided (idiots!) that rather than use the 100kg Russian-made parcel of explosiveness to get rid of some pretty shabby looking buildings that house those in need of new homes, they would make it safe instead.

At the very least it should have been transported to the never-used (and full of dog shit) children's play area near Blaha metro. If ever a place needed a bomb...

Wasted booze shocker

2005-06-01T04:39:00.000-07:00

Waste. It's a terrible thing, no? We're talking, of course, about waste in general - not domestic waste (which Budapest is famous for having dotted about all over the place).

Brace yourselves.

An illegal distillery in the village of Csengod has exploded. The 15-hectolitre distillery tank went "boom!" when gas was leaked. While reports quickly reported how HUF 5 million worth of damage was caused, no one has yet said how much booze went to waste. Perhaps they felt the news would be too depressing.

Well, depressing it certainly is.

Tomcats, lunatics, police

2005-05-31T09:49:00.000-07:00

Was anyone hanging about near Moszkva ter this Sunday? If so you'd have see 80 people or so demo'ing against the "covering up of Gypsy crime". Yes, Movement for a Better Hungary were at it again... the lunatics!

As well as the usual chants, this Sunday's giggle-fest called for tax exemption for, among others, the police.

Ahuh.

So those that come and arrest tax-dodging individuals should get away with paying less themselves? Nice.

One speaker, a certain "Tomcat", whipped the crowd up into a frenzy with his call for the people to "take up arms and curb Gypsy crime together."

God help us.

Cop nicked by Delta Force wannabes!

2005-05-31T07:03:00.000-07:00

According to Hungarian press, a senior local police official was caught accepting a HUF 2 million bribe in Budapest's 10th district.

While this is a rather funny story, it's not nearly as funny as the arrest itself. As the said cop palmed the money a "joint commando task-force and the national police" leapt into action to make the arrest.

The offending cop could face 10 years in the slammer, but that is not nearly enough time to exhaust the story of how commando gents, dressed in black, swung from helicopters with guns chattering and detained him. Of how big black boots kicked him in the face and a razor-sharp survival knife was pressed against his throat.... okay, okay, that's probably not how it actually happened... but just think about it!

Shame on you, Ferenc

2005-05-31T03:42:00.000-07:00

The vastly rich, talented (in a strange kind of way) and terribly ugly Andrew Lloyd Webber has been gifted with the Commander's Cross of the Order of Merit for supporting Hungarian culture.

Yes, whilst in town for the opening of his "The Beautiful Game" musical, ALW met with the PM, who lavished heaps of sickening praise on the little man.

"One just cannot understand the culture of our days without knowing the musicals of Lloyd-Webber. His music binds people who live in faraway places, it bonds the West End and Budapest," said an excited Ferenc.

But it really isn't a nice bonding is it? "Cats"... "Memory"... it says it all.

As one blogger once put it: "I loathe musicals. I am of the opinion that there will be no peace on this earth until Andew Lloyd Webber is strangled with the entrails of Stephen Sondheim."

Sierra smiles...

2005-05-30T07:45:00.000-07:00

Well, not so hot as to stop me posting, sir!

James from Nok says that on Saturday night, at T&G, he saw the lead singer from Right Said Fred.

http://reinmets.pri.ee/galerii/kuulus36.jpg (for your viewing pleasure)

Now, I for one say this cannot be. WIthout doubt we would have heard of more sightings of the legendary, ring-nippled Englishman. And, lets face it, there are many a buff and bald man of bendy antics living here in Budapest. Fake celeb spotting says I.

But still, I like the idea that RSF might be holidaying here in BP... so keep your eyes at the ready.

If you spot someone looking vaguely similar, scream out the staggering lyric that is "Deeply dippy 'bout your Spanish eyes, Sierra smile, legs that go on for miles an miles"... and see if you get a "response".

Bonking mad

2005-05-30T06:19:00.000-07:00

As hot as the weather is these days (so hot most of the Bluster gang are sunning themselves and not posting too often it would seem), it isn't hot enough to stop Hungarians shagging! Only this weekend one of our gang saw a copper on Margit Island give a firm ticking-off to a couple who were, well, lets just say sunning themselves and helping each other with the application of invisible tanning lotion.

And if one Bluster's observation wasn't enough (DS, please stop swimming so many lengths at the pool, it shames the rest of us), there are statistics to back up such naughty behaviour.

According to the central statistics office, "more Hungarian babies were born in January-March 2005 than in the same period last year, offsetting a smaller rise in the number of deaths".

Yes, a few extra Hungarians are popping their clogs but far more are, errr... body popping.

The Budapest Cock Challenge

2005-05-27T09:21:00.000-07:00

A friend sent us this

http://www.b3ta.com/features/phalliclogoawards/

And we thought... Hmmm.... does Budapest have any such silliness? If you've seen a phallic image that tickled your schoolboy humour, share it so it can tickle ours.

Tax? I don't think so!

2005-05-27T01:44:00.000-07:00

"Lament Hungary's decline in cheeky, sometimes clever crime," has been the call in various posts from Bluster members.

Now, finally, we have something positive to say.

Magyar Hirlap reports that more and more tax-dodging business folk are selling their debt-ridden companies to clueless Romanians and Ukrainians. Once sold, the cheeky Magyars up and change address (something which, it would seem, leaves the Hungarian authorities completely confused).

Off the criminals skip with silly grins from ear to ear, pockets overspilling with notes, Prada lace-ups shining in the sun and Bvlgari's hanging from their wrists.

According to one employee of the National Bureau of Investigations, the largest tax scam of this nature was to the tune of HUF 200 million!

Fags crime blown

2005-05-24T04:28:00.000-07:00

We like a smoke and so felt sick to our very core when hearing that smuggled ciggies worth HUF 28 million had been grabbed by fun-stopping border control slinkies at Tarpa.

The lovely collection of 37,144 packets were hidden in a location used by Ukrainian smugglers. How was the find, errr... found? A local grassed up our Ukrainian friends and in doing so deprived everyone in Hungary who likes to get their mitts on cheap smokes (cheaper than the regular cheap, of course).

Jesus wept.

You have been warned!

2005-05-23T06:36:00.000-07:00

On Monday Joe Cocker with arrive in Budapest. Not here for a holiday, he's here to sing! (God help us)

Still kicking around at 61, we are sad to report Cocker (the only thing good about him is his name) will assault anyone who cares to listen as he runs about on stage belting out new wonders and beaten old tracks we've just about heard enough of.

Yes, you too could fork out money to see a challenged-looking, balding old chap croon and sweat his way through a perfomance featuring 'hits' such as "You Can Leave Your Hat On" (Please Joey. We leaving it all on), "Unchain My Heart" (unchain your bloody ears) and "With a Little Help From my Friends" (friends?).

As shocking as this will seem, "Cocker" last performed in Budapest in 2002 and tickets went like hot cakes.

Take a Bluster tip and go on holiday for a few days... avoid any chance of hearing this man by accident.

Attractive girl hounded by God's man.

2005-05-19T07:43:00.000-07:00

We love Nyugati metro station and the underpass. It is full of the strangest characters, the rudest homeless gents, a positively glowing Burger King and a woman who begs using a dog that holds a built-to-purpose mouth-basket (which, before you ask, we give our spare change to).

But, sadly, it is also full of singers and religious FREAKS. The singers, truth be told, we don't mind. There is a bunch of slightly handicapped youngsters who put on an engaging show and have a fine old time doing so (they even encourage audience participation)... but the religious FREAKS, they give us the willies.

Only yesterday a man with a microphone and busted-up amp was spreading the good word and telling us the merits of embracing Him in our poor, wasted lives. Well, J and I hung around to have a listen and nod our heads at the appropriate time while holding back our smirks... but then something horrible happened.

A stunningly pretty girl in a flattering top walked by.

It was just too much for the religious FREAK. Leaping into action he flung himself before her, attacking the poor lass for wearing make-up, wearing shoes with heels, having boobs, having a fine pair of pins, being blond and, clearly, selling her body to bad men.

Quite why he didn't feel the need to have a Word with the two prostitutes standing by the 4 and 6 tram exit is known only to him and God.

It was horrible to watch... but credit to the young woman, she gave as good as she got, giving him a firm ticking off for smelling bad, for shouting into his microphone when there was really no need, for not knowing her and so not judging her... and then, in the blink of an eye... she gobbed all over his left sandal.

Class. A roar of respect from those gathered lifted her Spirit and off she walked.

But here at Bluster we are concerned. This FREAK's nasty attack could have been issued to anyone with more than an A Cup, anyone with decent shaped legs.

Let us take her example. When passing those who abuse others for looking fine, spit on their shoes say we!

Get out of town!

2005-05-19T07:29:00.000-07:00

We have made a few comments about Americans on this blog, but we take it all back. Really, we offer a full retraction.

According to Andras Simonyi, the Hungarian Ambassador to the United States, Hungary has a "good reputation" in North America (but, one might reason, a terrible one in South America).

According to MTI, the Amb has visited Illinois, Hawaii, Missouri and Washington, and when there has met with governors and senior businessmen. "And then what happened?", you say with great expectation... well, Americans quick to make a fast buck with development projects in Hungary, "spoke highly of Hungarian labour". (maybe they like it cheap and kinda lazy)

But wait, there is more.

Hungary is viewed as a country building a "knowledge-based economy", one that makes serious efforts to serve as a gateway for the US to the European Union, as well as to Eastern European countries outside the EU, Simonyi said.

Wow! Go Hungary and Go American Businessmen who like to use this gateway to Europe.

Sad news

2005-05-17T08:01:00.000-07:00

While we only post stupid Hungarian news that interests us and the odd friend (no pun intended, dear friends), one of us (me) felt the need to break with the usual and post this from www.abc.net.au.

"Fans around the world are grappling with the revelation that pop star Kylie Minogue, one of the biggest names in the history of Australian show business, has been diagnosed with breast cancer."

Big fans of KM, and having known a fair few who fought their way through breast cancer, we wish the Aussie a speedy recovery.

Shocking survey results

2005-05-17T05:15:00.000-07:00

You really won't believe this, so brace yourself before reading further.... no, really... steady yourself...

According to a poll from GFK Hungaria, Hungarians like to shop on Friday, and grocery shoppers (who, amazingly, are mainly women) prefer paying in cash and, given a choice, would rather walk to a nearby supermarket instead of taking the car. On Fridays, we are told, people like to leave work a little early in order to go shopping.

.... who pays for these dumbarse surveys?

Weekend of doom and gloom

2005-05-17T00:10:00.000-07:00

One could almost think a national holiday was held to fit in the weird happenings in Budapest this extended weekend: Tesco's, home of baked beans and expensive tomatoes, was held up by robbers armed to the teeth; Prime Minister Gyurcsany and his fleet of cars were accused of Dukes of Hazzard-style road rammings (we are still trying to work out where Daisy fits into this); a house exploded in Miskolc and flames danced around until they took surrounding houses - much to the glee of local news stations; a bus full to the brim with Hungarian celebrities (!) crashed; and, last but not least, Megasztar Ferenc "Caramel" Molnar was taken to hospital for fear he'll never walk again.

Can you hear the gallop of the horsemen?

Regarding the latter news, 4 of our gang shuffled through the crowds at the megasztar concert, nestled behind Mammut shopping center, to see Hungary's latest batch of talentless crooners. How bad were they?

Oh, how they sucked. Simply dreadful. Of course, we couldn't do any better but that's why we aren't up on stage. However, we were happy to see lovestruck Eszter Bartok and the cute and nervous Palcso Tomi. Did the crowd shed a few tears when the news of Caramel and his upcoming operation was announced? Hard to tell as the masses who were waiting for him were soaked to the skin from all the rain... a shame the organisers didn't say a little earlier that he wasn't to sing.

But we wish the big C all the best - the one talented chap in the whole competition.

Strange things afoot!

2005-05-13T04:53:00.000-07:00

Just got back from lunch on Vaci and have the strangest news to tell. Walking down the street as if they owned it, 17 homeless gents wearing rather grubby clothes parked themselves at a cafe and started puffing on a pack of beat-up smokes.

A waiter approached them (no doubt to ask them to bugger off), but was cut short as they placed an order for coffee and meleg sandwiches - producing the notes to show they could pay. Waiter was dumbstruck, as was most us enjoying our shot of the good bean.

What the heck was going on? Some sort of publicity stunt?

I have no idea, as when approached one member of the table roundly told me to "fuck off".

It's taking the MiGky

2005-05-13T01:52:00.000-07:00

Sad news has reached us. Investigations from Wednesday's MiG crash are firmly putting blame on "technical malfunction". Bluster posters were convinced (we spent at least 10 minutes talking about it last night) that blame should rest on the shoulders of the MiG's pilot.

Why?

Because as stated in our earlier post, MiGs can do no wrong - they are just fab and far better looking than the ugly bottle-nosed Jump Jets the UK designed (if you want vertical take-off buy a bloody helicopter!).

As far as we're concerned, its all Russia's fault and the batch of MiGs sold to Hungary were obviously sub-standard. In 1993, 28 seemingly super-duper MiGs were purchased from Russia - their fate brings tears to our eyes. One crashed and burned (sorry, couldnt' resist) in 1998, two seem to have disappeared from the radar, and 14 are flying. Where are the rest? Well, we are told they are being cannibalized for spare parts!

Spare parts!!!!!

In the next few years all of Hungary's gorgeous looking MiGs will be replaced with the Gripen fighter (which we think looks kinda cool too).

What will happen to the MiGs of old? We have no idea... but we'd like to buy a couple. So if anyone out there has money to burn and would like to make a group of park-masturbating-fools very happy, donated some cash into a bank account for us.

A whole lotta money

2005-05-12T23:55:00.000-07:00

In a super-brief update on educational problems here in Hungary, it looks as if students (of certain subjects) will have to sit down once again and take their exams for a second time due to leaked papers... and the cost to the Hungarian government? A super-sized HUF 100 million. Just think how many school dinners that would buy, how many pencils could be purchased, notebooks ordered etc etc. How many exactly?

Lots.

Broom broom

2005-05-12T08:44:00.000-07:00

Safer roads with less swerving to avoid gaping holes - this is what us petrol-guzzling consumers can expect now Hungary has signed loan agreements, worth a staggering $329 million, with the European Investment Bank.

With highway construction and railway upgrades high on the list of spend, spend, spend priority, tank up and make that trip to Kecskemet you always wanted to take. Home of crashed MiG and very little else!

This post was submitted by Duncan Welch's cousin, with contributions from his parents (kidding, just kidding)

Man reduced to 1%

2005-05-12T08:11:00.000-07:00

Rival blogger (if rival is the correct word for two worth-nothing blogs) Pestiside has accused Budapest Sun staffer Duncan Welch of being a Budapest Bluster Blogger. Well, he says he's 99% certain.

With 80,000 non-Hungarians in Hungary, the list narrows!

Readers, if you can guess the identity, and height, of all twelve members who submit silly typings... we will give you a prize.

What prize?

A pair of rubber sandals.... well what else would you ask for?

Bloggers to blame?

2005-05-12T06:41:00.000-07:00

According to the Budapest Business Journal, news agency MTI has suffered decreased revenues due to changes in the media market and has, since January, reduced staff by 27%.

Could this be due to bloggers and the amount of free news available?

Here at Budapest Bluster we say don't be so fucking stupid! MTI offers a good news service which is expensive, while sites like this one offer slip-sloppy news that cost not one Forint. Lets face it, if we could afford it we'd all pay for MTI.

Bad luck MTI fellas. We like you. You are good. We are not. We admit our inferiority (now please give us free access to your full website, we will call you later this afternoon. Thank you).

NB: Anyone at the BBJ reading us? If so please, please, please tell us if the rumours of your closing are true.

A bird in the hand is worth...

2005-05-12T05:56:00.000-07:00

No "firm" details to give, but a source who is a dirty little man tells me there is a porn shoot happening this afternoon in District 7... somewhere in a park!

Now, we have no further information than that to give, but I think you'll agree it is a very good start for any pervs out there. If anyone is strolling around parks in the said District and you happen upon 10 men with their hands in their pockets, silly grins on their faces and spittle on their lips - followed by two women with looks of abject disgust that thinly hides a secret excitement... that would be us, Budapest Bluster. (Might be worth having some T-Shirts made up)

Yes, we are fleeing our offices in the hope of seeing our favourite "actors" in a little bit of leafy action behind some, errr.... bushes.

Criminals bounce back... briefly

2005-05-12T05:19:00.000-07:00

No.11 primed and ready.

Just posting to say crime in Hungary is not as dead as we'd previously thought... though Hungarian authorities are still doing their best to thwart the joy (and inexpensive goods) it brings us.

Customs officials at Ferihegy have seized fake trainers, watches and, we are led to believe, clothing!

"So what," you moan, "The Chinese markets are full of the stuff."

Well, you'd be right... but this nabbing was to the tune of HUF 2.5 billion. Now that's a lot of clobber. What do you get for your hard earned billions? Fake Adidas, Nike, Puma, Armani and Diesel, that's what.

Nice work, Mr Criminal. Shame you were busted.

Vexed Turks?

2005-05-12T02:50:00.000-07:00

Budapest No. 1 says, "Budapesters are go!"

The Turkish Prime Minister is here in Budapest to press flesh when greeting Hungary's legion of do-good politicians and, of course, is sure to talk about Turkey's passion to be involved in EU Accession talks... but we suspect he will be a wee bit vexed by a campaign launched earlier this week.

A Voice for Europe campaign was launched on May 9 in Prague,Warsaw, Budapest, Vienna, Bratislava and Berlin and will run until September.

What's it all about?

Well, it wants to collect one million signatures (say in Dr Evil voice, if you please) from European citizens who would like to block the opening of talks with Turkey, planned for October 3. Organizers say Turkey`s accession will not contribute to the European integration . Nay, they say it will weaken and complicate life.

"We support the idea of a favoured partnership and we caution our politicians against offering full membership to Turkey,` said David Gresak from the Czech organizers. "We are citizens of the European Union, we respect European values and we want to participate in the creation of our own future,"he told press.

What do you think, Bluster reads? In or out? Email and tell us... naw, just kidding... we couldn't care less either way. Tell someone who actually gives a hoot.

Daddy's money

2005-05-12T01:02:00.000-07:00

For the love of God, are we now Thunderbirding our number? :-)

Well I am Budapester No.12. The last in the list (as the last to join the Bluster group) of drunken expats who like to stroke PC keys. Last but, I add, the first to say that Pestiside (the blog we all spend at least 4.5 hours a day crying over, weeping at and throwing hissy-fits towards) has written about us.

It's the usual dribble from Ernest, but two things stand out and so I think I'll mention them.

1) There are two pics given in the article and I can say, hand on heart, that they are like a mirror image of Budapester's 1 and 10! Kinda scary really.

2) Mr Tomato writes that he "wants to make a little cocktail money by helping folks flog their stuff online". Cocktail money indeed. We hear that Mr Tomato is "stinking rich" and living off "Daddy's money". Lucky bastard.

In all else, Ernest is on the money. He is a media slut (as he tells us), we at Bluster are all obsessed (with lots of things, truth be told), we are indeed semi-literate and we do have some hetero Brit lads in our dirty little gang. So you see, not even a complete idiot is wrong all of the time... chin up Mr Tomato.

More MiG Madness

2005-05-12T00:37:00.000-07:00

Morning all, Budapester No.9 here (yes, we're like the fucking Thunderbirds, each with our own little number for logging on and giving you information you could no doubt do without).

Anyone watch the news this morning? No? Well, let me tell you about more Hungarian MiG news...

One has crashed.

Yes, a Hungarian flying ace (and no I'm not taking the piss - he was 'apparently' voted one of the best flyers in the world last year) took to the sky yesterday and then, well, came back down a little quicker than he hoped - ending up front-end-first in a field just outside of Kecskemet.

A source, who doesn't actually exist other than in my mind, said, "It was just amazing. Out the driver shot, and down the fighter soared - rather like a very heavy Russian plane armed to the teeth hurtling to the ground and then, well, hitting it. Best thing ever to happen in Kecsky for a long while, really."

It would seem engine failure was the cause of the accident, though we can't say for certain as my Hungarian truly sucks and I couldn't keep up with the news reporter who felt it necessary to talk at a million fucking miles an hour. The twat.

But here at The Bluster we felt a little sad at hearing this MiG news... because as planes go, we love'em like we like beer and fags (that's smokes for any Americans listening in). And why wouldn't we... just think...

"The MiG-29 "Fulcrum" ("Tochka Opori" in Russian) was designed and built to be a single-seat supersonic, all-weather, air superiority fighter representing, with the MiG-31 "Foxhound", the latest and perhaps last fighter production items from the Mikoyan Design Bureau. The primary role of the MiG-29 is to destroy air targets at distances from 60 to 200 kilometers (30 to 110 NM) at all altitudes, on all profiles, in any weather, and under all ECM conditions. In addition, the basic MiG-29 is capable of limited air-to-ground operations and in advanced versions, has been optimized to attack both stationary and moving targets with precision guided munitions."

Cool, eh? Not only does it look fucking good, it kicks arse - though has trouble turning at speed the critics say.... well Sod them, everything travelling at speed has trouble turning. Dumbarses.

Phew.... I'm all info'd out after this technical detail. I will stop here in case any of you start thinking I'm military expert Neil Barnett. (http://www.Neil-Barnett.com)

Criminal Coppers make me happy?

2005-05-11T07:52:00.000-07:00

According to MosNews, two Georgian nationals kidnapped a Hungarian antiques trader "for refusing to cooperate with them" and held him hostage in an apartment in Moscow until he was "released by police", RIA Novosti reported.

The report claims police freed the poor dealer in antiquities (held for the sum of $150,000).

Honestly, I am hoping MosNews' use of English is perfect... as it would suggest it was the police themselves who held him. Frankly, I would expect nothing less from esteemed Georgian coppers.

Nice work, fellas! Reads like something from a Ludlum thriller and restores my faith in the Criminal mind (even if it is abroad, rather than within Hungary's tightly patrolled borders).

Criminals lament

2005-05-11T06:11:00.000-07:00

Hungary is a beautiful country - one full of culture, historical landmarks and gangs of wildly attractive women. But it has, or more correctly we should say has but is soon to lose, another wonderful element... Criminals!

How we love them and the romance of crime they ooze.

Ukrainian mobsters once sat in the lobby of every large hotel (clutching their little black bags full, no doubt, with uncut diamonds, class-A drugs, guns and knives of various description and the like); bank robbers once downed a quick shot of the good stuff before easing establishments of their holdings and gave bank staff flowers to make up for the inconvenience - and, let us not forget, prostitutes set up camp at the Formula 1 Grand Prix and offered stunningly low-cost blow-jobs while you waited for your over-priced hamburger to be flamed.

But crime is being shunned by all these days. Not even the once reliable tax dodgers (read: every Hungarian and expat English teacher paid for any activity whatsoever) have been able to escape the Governments recent "stepping".

According to the sickeningly dull Nepszabadsag, 86 percent of respondents in a recent poll said employers who do not pay social security for their workers "cheat society as a whole".

What? Who the heck were they asking? But wait... there is more.

Twenty five percent of respondents think that black market labour can be eliminated in a few years (!!!). And there is still more! Seventy three percent agreed, I tell you they AGREED, with the government's steps to crack down on labour in the black economy.

Well, I am sickened to my very core and I hope you are as well.

Ronnie and Reggie, who I am sure never visited Hungary though wished they had, must be rolling in their graves and wondering what has happened to a country once the bastion of crime - organised or otherwise.

Whisky robber we salute your past efforts and encourage all readers (well, we know we have at least one) to defy the government and start hatching plans to rob the nearest OTP or whatnot.

Axed! The trial continues...

2005-05-11T04:52:00.000-07:00

You will be excited to hear (and the whole of Hungary's legal world will be positively wetting its pants) that the trial of Ramil Safarov, the Azeri officer who had a tiff with his Armenian counterpart (Gurgen Margaryan), and decided to settle the score with an axe, continues today.

The multiple up-to-downing of the axe took place on February, 19,2004 - right here in Beautiful Budapest.

The details behind the murder? Everyone is still kept in dark regarding motive, but English language media has noted that both KILLER and VICTIM
had been studying "languages".

Here at Bluster we suspect Hungarian was being learnt. Only last week one of our friends, who is currently learning this Devil's tongue, was heard to
tell his teacher, "Nem tudom!!! I can't understand this fucking language and if you don't shut the Hell up I'm going to take a sharp weapon to your head!"

So there you have it. The jury will have no choice but to let the man walk.

Hungo Journo states obvious

2005-05-11T03:23:00.000-07:00

"Had we looked at Syria through a telescope other than Israeli or American one, we would find things different!"

So says Hungarian journalist Thomas Frai who appeared on Hungarian TV the other night in a programme called "Dossier". Frai, using his Hungarian-honed journalistic skills, managed to do nothing more than state the bloody obvious... fool. Though, not wishing to do him an injustice, he also made some friends (bless) from the locals who are "the most friendly people in the world". What, in the whole world, Mr Frai?

The US, he says, is depicting things in "a wrong and inaccurate way on Syria."

WAKE UP AND SMELL THE COFFEE Mr Frai.

You go to Syria, talk to as many people as you can, come back and put a 50-minute TV slot together and that's the best you can come up with... nice one, mate. It amazes me that this gent hasn't been poached by TIME, SKY NEWS, BBC WORLD SERVICE etc... his talent is obviously limitless.

Gov promotes drug use - Yippee!

2005-05-11T01:30:00.000-07:00

According to Portfolio.hu:

"Hungary's Prime Minister Ferenc Gyurcsány has sat to the negotiating table with the heads of the country's three leading generics drugs producers on Tuesday to discuss ways of encouraging people to use cheaper, generics drugs. The mutual target is clear: to provide drug supply for the population without putting (further) financial burden on them, Health Minister Jenõ Rácz told a news conference."

Excellent and about time too. What with Hempseed's campaign going great guns and the continued use of weed by the young who hangout next to WestEnd City Center, I am proud that the Hungarian Government has seen the light and is now advocating we spark up with cheap grass.... errr... or maybe I got the wrong end of the stick.

Train robbers etc

2005-05-11T00:57:00.000-07:00

According to www.Jpost.com:

"The US has decided to give money from the Hungarian gold train to US govt supported orgs. so that they can use this money for their bloated salaries and expense accounts. No money will be paid to those that it was stolen from. The amount that the US finally agreed to pay was just a tiny fraction of the money stolen from European Jews by criminals in the US military. In other news, the US has decided to give plo terrorists another $200 million to help them buy weapons and kill more Jews."

What can I add? Absolutely nothing. War, what is it good for... and all that.

For those not aware of the terrible gold train... in brief... Nazis rounded up all the gold and items of value from Hungarian Jews, loaded it on a train and then sent it packing (of course, they then rounded-up the Jews and Gypsies too - but for a slightly different purpose). American army officers found the train full of WEALTH in Austria during May, 1945, and thought, "How lovely, I always fancied a new gold watch etc etc".

Yup - the evil Nazis and nasty, greedy Americans robbed and robbed some more. Court cases have continued but compensation been meagre when compared to the WEALTH stolen.

Papers leaked... so what's new?

2005-05-11T00:30:00.000-07:00

Shock horror... poor Education Minister Magyar Balint may have to step down if the Hungarian Democratic forum gets its way - which is hardly likely now, is it. But why all the fuss?

It would seem Hungary's A-level students have been gifted with a preview of their exam papers. Well, this would be shocking but for the fact it has been happening every year for the last 15 years. So really it is just the norm and no Ed Min has ever felt the need to resign before.

But are YOU a little taken aback? Never crossed your mind that those Hungarians you've hired had great qualifications yet, somehow, were as thick as shit and lazy to boot?

Ahuh.

Well, there you have it. A nation of highly qualified cheaters... but for sheer cheekiness I like Hungarian students all the better for it. Why it has never crossed the Government's mind to release a series of fake papers and tell everyone they've done it, is beyond me. In one short but sharp tap of the photocopier's start button all Hungarian students would be left scratching their lazy heads. Problem solved.

Oh well, perhaps the wonderful Ferenc Gyurcsany will take a few extra "steps" to remedy this malady.

Pestiside-hater? Why yes, I think I am

2005-05-10T07:29:00.000-07:00

I don't want to sound like a Pestiside-hater but - oh, scratch that; I can hate all the people I want to hate.

Ernest Tomato has really got my goat. You see I once liked his blog. Nay, I loved it. It was a little blog frequently updated with spite and loathing,
a mix of nastiness forged from a hateful mind, an online-diary-of-sorts that didn't shirk away from hounding politicians and other public figures
here in Hungary... and then it sold out.

In what can only be a desperate attempt to suck up to "potential advertisers", Mr Tomato has turned his web log (log being the operative
word) into nothing more than an advertisers heaven. Bloggers of the world shed a tear for the poor man. When not writing
glowing bullshit about Budapest Business Journal events (read: doing all he can to promote his best mate's business and going one step
lower and letting his mate's wife write shocking fashion and "design" articles for him), he's asking us to show him our feet.

Here is his latest:

"When we promised you last week that Iguana's annual Cinco de Mayo party would be a killer we weren't just buttering up a potentially
lucrative advertiser. We also did it because we knew it would be a killer, and we didn't want you to miss the fun. We don't know exactly
how many people showed up, or when the last stragglers were finally booted out, but it was a lot, and very, very late. So just in case you
were one of the few not to heed our suggestion, here are a few pictures to remind you why you should listen to us in the future. And no,
we don't know what became of that girl up on the bar - though it's a pretty good bet she doesn't remember, either."

How many ways are there to kiss an Iguana's arse? Don't ask us; ask Ernest Tomato - he's making it a personal mission.

As if his gossip-hungry readers are not starved enough by his antics, he goes one step further. Following the above blurb he
kindly gives us lots of nice pics. Okay... so this is not so bad at all... it’s always nice to look at fellow drunks (though I am shocked to
see I don't appear in any of the pics - well, not much of me).

But... and there's always a but... the pictures were taken by "Bianca Otero and Pestiside Staff for Pestiside". This would be the same
Bianca who works for "The Budapest Times" and horrible "Where".

So what's the angle you ask?

I dunno. Some might say it's an attempt to keep the staff at The Times happy (Ernest's Stink column in that publication has become more and more lukewarm as time goes by). Others might say he wants to keep in with Bianca and Where, hoping some advertising will rub off.

Either way or neither way... Pestiside has turned into a horrible blog we feel.

We will, of course, keep reading it... if only to continue taking the piss

Free Paper = pain in the arse

2005-05-10T05:15:00.000-07:00

Jesus Son of Mary, I am posting yet again!

Have just got home after a quick trip on the yellow Metro line. Why am I telling you this? Because I found a discarded copy of The Budapest Times.
Isn't it wonderful when you find something free of charge that would normally cost you the better pull of a pack of cigarettes...

Anyways, it wasn't so wonderful as I came across this article:

"Budapest city council wants to legally regulate taxi fares with a new draft law that is intended to defend the interests of consumers in particular, protecting them from rip-off taxis which transport passengers according prices set by each firm. Although the draft should be put in front of the plenary session of the council in May, the initial consensus now seems to be on the wane so the planned law might not get as far as the meeting."

This was penned by one Ágnes Lukács. I hope to high Heaven that Ms Lukács submits her "articles" free of charge as this was written about in another English language weekly, err... weeks ago. Perhaps it inspired dear Agi.

To the substance of Ágnes' account, it would have been nice if she'd done a little research to point out that in 2004 five other European countries had implemented similar initiatives... and that the result was legit taxi companies increasing their prices.

For sure, no one wants to be ripped off by bastard bumper bangers, but then again its only clueless tourist who venture into cabs not linked to an actual firm. Dumbarses!

Why can't The Times do an article that relates to those of us with half an ounce of the little grey cells, rather than catering for silly tourists? .

Media Whore!

2005-05-10T04:01:00.000-07:00

As some of you may know, on Monday the government told an eagerly waiting public it would reform its health sector. "Whoopee!", said the masses who are a sickly bunch let me tell you.

While most people looked at the changes and whether they were good or bad, one man looked at the figures and found that the reforms "can" be supported once "adequate funds have been raised".

Duh! I could support my plans to fly to fucking Mars "once adequate funds have been raised".

So who is this monkey leaping in front of TV microphones?

Istvan Mikola, that's who!

"And who is he?", you scream. He's the former minister of health and head of Fidesz's health co-ordination forum (whatever the fuck that is).

Is he talking bollocks? Of course. Like so many politicians he is nothing shy of a Media Whore who is spanking off to the sound of his own voice when he tunes in to TV2 of an evening.

Oh, and once again Prime Minister Gyurcsany appeared on TV the other night for a live interview and once again was seen sporting a most excellent suit and tie. Without doubt, he is the best dressed politician.... EVER. Dash his reforms to Hell if you like, but never let it be said he couldn't pick out a tasty two-peice.

Chance to shot German plane squandered

2005-05-09T11:44:00.000-07:00

It's not often the Hungarian military gets the chance to blow up something in "combat", but that chance recently arose… and against the dreaded Germans no less!

A German-registered plane recently buggered-up its radio codes and accidentally gave the impression it was being hijacked. Hungarian pilots, no doubt anticipating the opportunity to take American-style action and shoot down the nasty hijackers, jumped into their lovely MiG 29s and took to the sky (a well-respected source, who doesn't actually exist, tells us that as they left the airbase the rousing sound of Kenny Loggins could be heard).

Alas, the badly behaving pilot was able to inform the MiG gunners of the problem and the whole world was robbed of the opportunity to see a German plane go down in flames. Damn and blast it!

Oh, and for anyone wanting a musical memory of Mr Loggins... click the link:

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/B00000K2UX/104-4512591-9179140?v=glance

Liveliest English Language Pubication my arse!

2005-05-09T09:14:00.000-07:00

Our fellow blogger over at Pestiside is running.... wait for it... a competition. "Anything exciting?", I hear you ask.

No.

Hungary's wankiest designed blog is launching the "Pestiside-Havaianas Most Beautiful Feet in Hungary" Competition.

I know, I know... you are just desperate to know the prize. Well, tis a pair of rubber sandals. Mmmmm.... enough to entice anyone to digitalize their feet and then upload to their PC and then email it in and then wait for the results... not.

Honestly, I know we oft become the thing we hate, but it is still shocking to see that blog's publisher actually becoming Peter Freed.

You may remember that Pestiside went on the offensive against Mr Freed not too long ago. Good for them, said us. Well deserved.

Only it was pretty obvious to all that P's rant against F's Best of Budapest Award (which is truly the wankiest thing on the planet) was little more than a cover to get F out his position as the AmCham (American Chamber of Commerce) magazine's publisher. (and it looks like it may have worked as the tender is on). Well, I say obvious, it wasn't obvious to all. No one at the AmCham sees to have caught on.

Why would someone want to do such a thing?

Who knows. We certainly don't. But some might suggest Pestiside's "Publisher" wants some of the action himself. Some might even suggest it was to help his friends at the Budapest Business Journal (though its publisher is off back home) who would surely have liked a piece of the publishing pie.

But all is guesswork and we couldn't really care less. Freed is a bit chubby and for that alone he deserved to be giggled at by an internet-reading public.

But we digress... rubber sandals. In our hearts we all know that Pestiside is trying to be funny... which, strangely, is really very funny.

Hello... I'm a Budapester

2005-05-09T04:18:00.000-07:00

...And so are some 80,000 other expats living in Budapest (that's in Hungary for any Americans reading... where's Hungary you ask... buy a bloody atlas).

Before long I'm sure all 80,000 of us will have blogs, telling you how funny our lives are... but until then, why not limit yourself to visiting this one.

Of course, you could visit the sometimes funny Pestiside not-for-profit blog, but why would you want to do that. It's run by an American (for God's sake) and not only that, its updater (or publisher as he likes to be called) has been described by some as "just another American rich kid living in Budapest with nothing better to do!"

Of course, I also have nothing better to do... but me and my friends are not rich (in fact I'm so broke I have considered offering my services outside of Keleti train station on Saturday nights) - so read me with greater dedication - show some charity and support the poor. Blimey, I sound like a dirty Communist... well, the politics do rub off on the impressionable.